Archive for March, 2013
Someday, the person who connects with me in the ways I am looking for and who does not turn away will be with me. I will not run after anyone anymore who doesn’t want to engage. I dont have to constantly be Abandoned and decided I am not Worth it to someone. I have more determination and will then some may give me credit for, I don’t have to accept rejection as a way of life, and, I will not.
Wanted to apologize to people for being a little behind on catching up with people who responded to my blog yesterday…I am struggling a little and in a procrastinating state and haven’t gotten around to it yet.
Sometimes I am able to sit in myself
At home in my skin
Grounded with a secure foundation
A lake to float in
Soft, present, and soothing
Sometimes, I am here.
Sometimes I glance around me
Gaze shifting this way and that
Unable to settle down
Nothing to hold and contain me.
Waiting, for the door to open
I glance at you
You look away
I want to hold your gaze in mine
And you to hold mine in yours.
I want you to hold me down
And I want to hold myself down
Stop this endless running.
There is a place that is unbroken.
think i would say Good breaking would be where there is break-through, basically….to healing or new or re contacted levels of Reality, the self, being, love, etc. bad breaking where yes where it just shatters and tortures you, and where there is no point. Borderline breaking would be where it is both bad and good at the same time, where you are put through an experience that shakes you up deeply or shatters you in a painful way and a wounding or devastating way but where at the same time you have a breakthrough in the process, or where there is “violent rescue” I might say like in my poem. Also I would extend this idea of three kinds of breaking to happen in some intimate relationships too.
good breaking in relationships…sometimes when you want to break down your walls and defenses with another person or for someone else to do it to you in a way that allows healing and vulnerability and shedding of pretenses and glass bubbles, etc. sometimes you want to be able to break down and let it out (the pain, tension, pent up feelings inside) and have someone hold you and be there for you, and, sometimes you want the life in you to flow through you un impeded and break the stultifying dams inside you. Sometimes you want your armour to be pierced and to lose your habitual self imprisoned in stagnant thought structures, to be destroyed so to speak but not truly in the way you might normally think of that word, tO be…broken…with love…
it is the good breaking in regards to relationships I wanted to talk about here…I think we all know what the bad breaking is in relationships. Where someone abuses you, sets out to destroy you (in the conventional sense of the word), to ruin everything you are…
borderline breaking is of course when someone deeply hurts and devastates you in a relationship but where there is still a connection which has intimacy and caring within it, despite its ambiguous nature.