Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

I am trying to break through to feeling my own realness and the realness of others and my connections to them, because I think I have some type of mild dissociation…

maybe it is a form of “derealization” I have, but don’t know what the correct word would be.  But a lot of times it feels like a part of me is not there, and is awoken at certain times for a brief time before I fall back into my normal state if not feeling fully Real.  I don’t know, is this a common way of being although it is not often identified, or is this a part of my illness…even if it is a common way of feeling, could be an unrecognized illness that is not seen as such but is experienced by many in this broken world.  Anyway, it seems that there is a part of me or parts of me that have become dissociated from rest part I am most often aware of, and I am not working as a whole.  I am always as a result obsessing about what Reality is and who is the ” Real” me, and trying to sort real from unreal, in an obsessive compulsive mind game that I constantly play aweigh myself (yes I have OCD).  Is this the reason? Because of a dissociation? And how do I integrate on a more regular basis?  It’s not that I have DID (dissociative identity disorder), I don’t have separate distinct personalities who are unknown to each other, just separated aspects of myself.

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Comments on: "Reality, Dissociation, Trying To Figure It Out To The Point Of Obsession ( (Could Be A Trigger For Some Who Have Dissociative Elements)" (11)

  1. I hope you have it figured out soon.

    • Thanks Britt…that would be nice, but it’s gone on for a very long time…sometimes I get clues into it and sometimes I just live my life…

      • Or perhaps you just accept it as, it is what it is 🙂 Some things just can’t be explained but embracing this unknown flaw instead of trying to deconstruct it might be the answer instead. Either way, I just want you to have peace of mind.

        *hugs*

      • I do need to embrace my flaw, you are very right! Except I dont think I can stop trying to deconstruct it completely, or keep trying to come into my feeling of realness, but I must accept my difficulties and the brokenness in that area of my thinking.

      • Sometimes it’s a blessing, sometimes it’s a curse. But the differences and struggles with ourselves make us who we are, and that also makes you beautiful. ♥

  2. What you describe sounds like derealization, which isn’t typical but isn’t common either. People can develop derealization for a lot of reasons, including prolonged anxiety. It also sounds like the complication for you is your OCD makes you focus on the derealization, which tends to make it more uncomfortable. As you become less anxious, you will most likely feel more “real.” Take care.

  3. I really feel for you because I also have a combination of OCD and DID. I think these very thoughts pretty often. Anyway I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone, because it can be really hard to go through things like this and not be understood by other people. My blog on here isn’t about these issues, but if you ever need to talk to someone who understands, let me know.

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