Archive for April, 2013
The OCD is part of me,it’s real, it’s there. Chronic doubts, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts. But it is not ME. I am a lot more than it. I am beyond it. Right now, having the urge to remember and go over my thoughts about myself. In me I have what is real, what is beautiful and meaningful, inside (as do we all). Even though I get away from it sometimes, or worried that I don’t measure up. Have to let the ego and perfectionism go. But I am not nothing.
What am I? I am what I am.
Anyway, always looking for what’s Real. What’s Real is there, but can’t be grasped by clinging to my thoughts about what is Real and not letting go and just being in the moment. What’s important will come back. I can’t hold on to my vision constantly, it hurts to let go of my tight grasp on my thoughts but has to be done. Why is Reality always slipping from me? It is so damn FRUSTRATING.
Most people, do not understand my thought process I guess. So what. I am me, not them. As long as I have those who DO understand, I can deal with that.
Good breaking allows us to go below the surface.
Crack the wall, the shell.
Allows us to see and feel
Ourselves, and, one another.
Allows me to touch places and be touched
I am like a fountain
Sometimes turned on.
life pouring out of me
Sometimes, turned off.
Silent and still.
I look to speak, to you.
Speaking to you, articulating the waters within
Can turn on the fountain.
The lights flicker, on and off
I dance trying to keep in tune
I don’t always have control over the switch
Sometimes there is a break in the circuit
Left scrambling to hold on
Flow punctuated by empty spaces
Cracks in my tapestry
Useless worry, derailing me
To keep connection from severing
This is different than the healing space
The place I want to fall into
To renew my perception again,