Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Archive for May, 2013

Sustenance (Poem)

There’s so much I want to say

So much of Reality that I would like to put words and images to
To make manifest in forms
But the waters are murky and muddy
And the picture hidden from view
Bang my head against the wall
The glass needs breaking
Like a coconut, hard to crack
Surrounded
And encased

In a hard shell

The warm liquid inside is sustenance
But the shell…
It’s hard to break.
I want to be
Where the waters intermingle
Where the colors flash and shine
As what they are
As the multiple facets, indispensable
Of the one Reality
Inviolate,undisturbed,yet open,soft,and yielding
Real.
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Image

I’m just me

I'm just me

I want to be loved for me

I need to be with someone who sees the good in me, and the negative side of me, and loves me, for me.  Someone who is drawn to the happiness, joy and light within me…and also the pain and vulnerability, the aspects of me that are broken, the whole being inside…I want to be with someone who is willing to watch me break open and wants to touch me deep inside.   I need to be with someone who knows I want to be there for them and respect their needs, and who will respect mine.  Sometimes I get needy, sometimes I get insecure, I have fears that sometimes take over.  That is not all there is to me, and I have strength inside…but sometimes, I break.  And sometimes, I want to be able to break.  Both because it is a real part of me, and…then there is the “positive breaking” too…but right now I’m talking about the fact that I need security and comfort for the broken parts.  Of course, no one s perfect and can be there for me perfectly, or can just take on all my insecurities.  But respect for my vulnerability.  

Better So Far

I got really triggered last night…acted on irrational thoughts…my fears…am much better so far today.

all i know is not much

i give up. i know next to nothing. all i know is i dont want anything that people do not want to give freely.  i give up everything else.  its a sad sad world sometimes.  f it all.  

Video Of Abandonment…A Poem I wrote a while ago..how I feel tonight

Feelin this way

Fear Again…Abandonment

Honestly…I am afraid that just when I thought maybe I was safe, that I am getting abandoned…that I have scared someone off…can I be me including the vulnerable part, can I trust, can I have what I need? Tears in my eyes…frustration…could be just irrational thought and fer.  But if so I need to HEAR it from this person.  Otherwise…

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