He knew how vulnerable I was with him, emotionally and mentally. He knew the power he had over me, and how he can send me into a tailspin. He deliberately pushed my buttons with the words he used, tearing back the bandages with which I bound my wounds and stripping away the walls I’d built for safety. I started to get agitated then, and I felt the tension build inside me. My breathing became shallow and my hands grasped at the nearest objects, nervously pinching and pulling on them. I managed to speak. “Now…now…I’m really stressed,” I got out. He gazed at me, calmly, but concerned. He gazed deeply into my eyes. I could see understanding in them. He then got up and came across the room to where I sat, huddled in the chair, and he pulled me against him. He cradled my head against his shoulder holding it with one hand, and he put his other arm protectively around me, his hand softly on my back. “It’s okay,” he whispered softly to me. “Settle down, settle down.”. He held me like this for a little bit. He stroked my hair as I trembled. As he continued to soothe me, I felt inside like my insides were on fire, were melting, like I would break into pieces. I let myself relax in his embrace and I instinctively held on to him tightly. I felt his hands slowly and gently feeling their way over my body. They violated me, sensing the deep aching I had inside me. I felt as his fingers pushed my thighs apart and found my secret place, and the wetness. He was stroking me, rubbing me, probing inside me. Deeper and deeper…until all I could do was crumble, completely surrender to him. I gave myself over, utterly helpless, broken. His.
July 19, 2013