Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Archive for November, 2013

The Beginning (story snippet, may need trigger warning, not sure)

He found her when she was traumatized, wounded, shaking, and took care of her, made her feel safe, comforted her, held her close. He listened to her pain, fear, breaking, and cupped her face in his strong hands, looked deeply into her eyes and told her she was safe, that she would be okay again, that he would protect her and care for her. He stroked her hair slowly and gently and held her tightly against him, cradling her, holding her together. She didn’t want to leave his side and he had her stay in his small apartment with him. He felt a longing inside him awaken and simmering inside, but he didn’t want to violate her after what had already happened, he knew what he could do to her but he didn’t want to injure her in her fragility. His tenderness and compassion toward her, wanting to nurture and protect her, allowed him to hold her in his arms, soothe her, without letting his passion to possess and consume her take over in those first few weeks.

But one night he came out of the shower and found her on the couch curled up softly crying. He came over to her and stroked her back and turned her have to look into her eyes. He assumed it was the trauma, although she had been becoming more and more back to her old self, and her mood had been slowly improving, she talked and laughed a lot more, but he thought she was overcome again. “Nadia, what’s going on honey?” He asked her, searching her large green eyes with his dark penetrating ones. “Are you remembering what happened again?”

“N-no, that’s not it,” she answered in a soft, hesitant voice, her eyes looked shy and unsure, and she quickly looked down.

“What is it, Nadia? Talk to me,” he insisted.

“I-I…” She trailed off.

“What? What is it? Tell me,” he spoke gently but insistently.

“I..I have..feelings…”

He was confused. “Feelings, what kind of feelings?”

She looked anxious, agitated. She looked around the room as if she wanted to escape. He took her head in his hands and held it still, forcing her to look at him. “What kind of feelings?” He repeated.

“I want…I want you to..do things…I want…to be…but I don’t…i don’t know if you want me…” Her face was flushed and her breathing anxious, and quick.

He was stunned for a moment and the words were slow in coming. He realized then. He realized what she wanted. A line had been crossed. Desire burned in him.

In a swift move he pushed her back against the couch, pinning her, his hands in her hair, he kissed her on the mouth hard, devouringly…he kissed and licked the tears on her cheeks, her eyes…she whimpered in his arms as if she was breaking inside, he continued to assault her senses…

Sent from my iPad

Link to my new blog on Wattpad, which is going to be for my stories having to do with BDSM, erotica, romance and sensuality

http://wattpad.com/NikkiIan

“Driven Like the Snow”

“Driven Like the Snow” Andrew Eldritch of The Sisters of Mercy

Still night, nothing for miles,
White curtain come down,
Kill the lights in the middle of the road
And take a look around…
It don’t help to be one of the chosen
One of the few, to be sure
When the wheels are spinning around
And the ground is frozen through, and you’re
Driven, like the snow
Pure in heart
Driven together
And given
Away to the west
A white dress
Till the river don’t run
A black dress
Looking like mine
Till the sun don’t shine no more
Where the sky meet the ground
Where the street fold ’round
Where the voice you hold don’t
Make no sound, look
Snow on the river and two by two
Took a lot to live a lot like you, I don’t
Go there now, but I hear they sung
Their “fuck me And marry me young”
Some wild idea and a big white bed, now
You know better than that, I said,
Like a voice in the wind blow little crystals down
Like brittle things will break before they turn
Like lipstick on my cigarette
And the ice get harder overhead
Like think it twice but never never learn…

And the mist will wrap around us
And the crystal, if you touch it…
And the cars
Lost in the drift
Are there
And the people that drive
Lost in the drift
Are there
And the cares
I’ve lost in the drift
Are there
Theirs, ours,
Lost in the drift
Are…
Driven
Driven together
And driven
Apart

Image

On Not Pushing People Into Forgiveness At Times or Ways That They Are Not Ready

On Not Pushing People Into Forgiveness At Times or Ways That They Are Not Ready

Video

Garbage… Number One Crush

http://cerridwyndarkstrom.wordpress.com. Thank you Cerridwynn for nominating me!! :)

Thank you to Cerridwynn who blogs at http://cerridwyndarkstrom.wordpress.com for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award! Please check out her blog!

Thank you Phoenix (http://phoenixasubbie.wordpress.com) for nominating me!

Thank you to Phoenix for nominating me for this Versatile Blogger award! Greatly appreciated! 🙂 :). Her blog is
Http://phoenixasubbie.wordpress.com. She writes about her journey with submission.

Video

A Strong Song About Hope.

Love this. It’s from the eighties, I don’t know how many of you know this one, but it is beautiful.

Open To You (BDSM) could be trigger for some.

You lovingly stroked my hair and held my head against your shoulder and spoke to me in that soft but firm tone. I knew I had caused a problem again, I did often when my insecurities acted up, it was the desperation of my emotions and my anxiety leading me to feel powerless and breakable, it made me say certain things that always set you off, triggering you as well.

You caressed my cheek softly and then you moved suddenly, startling me, shifted position. You pulled me down and arranged me so I was lying face down on your lap. I didn’t know what was going on, confused, I tried to lift myself up and turn to face you, but you held me there, pinned me, and I couldn’t move. My breathing got heavy and I started trembling. “W-What’s going on?” I managed to get out, and frantically tried to turn my face to see yours. You put your hand on my head and gently but firmly held it down so I could not turn. I felt hot tears burn in my eyes, instinctually, feeling afraid and powerless. As you held my head firmly down you moved your fingers caressingly back and forth, soothing me, and massaged my back where you held it with your other hand. “Shhh…” You spoke softly…” Settle down. You are safe. Just relax. But I’m going to have to spank you. Remember last time you had spoken to me that way, I warned you? I always follow through.” An uncontrollable whimper escaped from me, and I trembled more. You had complete control over me. I knew there was nothing I could do to stop you, and what’s more, I deserved this. I had to take it. And at the same time I felt this fear and helplessness I felt intoxicated, hypnotized, like a spell was working it’s way through me. I felt warm, tingly inside all over, my head was light, I knew I was in your power and i felt deliciously violated by the thought.

You smoothed my hair slowly over my head and very slowly and gently ran your fingers over my scalp and down my neck. You stroked my back, and worked down until your hand was on my ass. You lifted the skirt up and then pulled my underwear down so I was exposed. I lay there trembling and gripping your leg under me, as if for security. The person I was holding tight to for security was the same person punishing me. A wave of intoxication passed through me, desire and hurt, together. You started out by gently massaging in a circular motion…and then, the first blow landed…I started with the shock of it…as you continued I felt unbidden sobs come, I cried out, I was breaking…you continued…I started to feel I could not take any more…i helplessly clung to you for security…as you struck me and I cried and mumbled incoherently you spoke to me….”that’s it, honey…just take it. It’s going to be all right.” Every time you struck me you massaged me there afterwards before starting again. I was broken.

When I felt I could not take any more, suddenly you stopped. “It’s over now,” you whispered to me. “It’s over. Shhh.” You stroked me where you had been hitting me, pulled me up and against you, cradling me in your arms, kissing my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips. You held my head firmly and securely against your chest and silently held me there for how long I couldn’t say, you kissed my tears away.

Untitled Poem

Leave me here
Let the shadow of doubts creep up and take me

Let go of my hand
Leave me standing alone, always alone

I will not ask for what you won’t give freely

I wonder if anyone will.

Tag Cloud