The lights flicker, on and off
I dance trying to keep in tune
I don’t always have control over the switch
Sometimes there is a break in the circuit
Left scrambling to hold on
Flow punctuated by empty spaces
Cracks in my tapestry
Useless worry, derailing me
To keep connection from severing
This is different than the healing space
The place I want to fall into
To renew my perception again,
Sometimes I am able to sit in myself
At home in my skin
Grounded with a secure foundation
A lake to float in
Soft, present, and soothing
Sometimes, I am here.
Sometimes I glance around me
Gaze shifting this way and that
Unable to settle down
Nothing to hold and contain me.
Waiting, for the door to open
I glance at you
You look away
I want to hold your gaze in mine
And you to hold mine in yours.
I want you to hold me down
And I want to hold myself down
Stop this endless running.
There is a place that is unbroken.
My poem previously posted in here
In this waiting room
In this cubicle
Walking down a deserted street
Floating in a black lake
Wondering if I drifted out too far
If I am caught in a rip current
That will keep me from getting back to shore.
My candle flickers
I cup my hands around it
To cover it,
Protect it from the southern winds
Focus intently on it
To keep the darkness from swallowing me.
The light came through cracks in the door
Through the dusty window
I keep my eyes on it
Training them not to waver.
But the light is on the other side
And the cracks are closing around themselves
The dust is growing thicker
The only way out is through they say
The only way out is through
Open the door, wide
Break the window glass
So no obstruction stands in between.
The screws tighten again …I follow this winding, curving path…I keep getting entranced by dreams…taunting me, mocking me, they caress my hair…do I turn to you for comfort…I sit in silence…chanting my own name…looking for a memory…to remind me who I am…to remind me of safety…always trying to bridge the gaps…I don’t want to be left behind again…left behind and swallowed in dirt….dust clinging to my eyelashes, saturating my eyes, my vision…blinding me to all but emptiness and abandonment…in my dreams the waves overtake me…swept out to sea and sudden death…I am always fighting…tired of walking in the desert approaching what I think is an oasis…only to find a cruel mirage…where is solace….where is what life should be…where are you…why do I call your name, only to hear my own echo …but it’s not me…and it’s not you….where…are…we…do not let me go…do not let me go.