You lovingly stroked my hair and held my head against your shoulder and spoke to me in that soft but firm tone. I knew I had caused a problem again, I did often when my insecurities acted up, it was the desperation of my emotions and my anxiety leading me to feel powerless and breakable, it made me say certain things that always set you off, triggering you as well.
You caressed my cheek softly and then you moved suddenly, startling me, shifted position. You pulled me down and arranged me so I was lying face down on your lap. I didn’t know what was going on, confused, I tried to lift myself up and turn to face you, but you held me there, pinned me, and I couldn’t move. My breathing got heavy and I started trembling. “W-What’s going on?” I managed to get out, and frantically tried to turn my face to see yours. You put your hand on my head and gently but firmly held it down so I could not turn. I felt hot tears burn in my eyes, instinctually, feeling afraid and powerless. As you held my head firmly down you moved your fingers caressingly back and forth, soothing me, and massaged my back where you held it with your other hand. “Shhh…” You spoke softly…” Settle down. You are safe. Just relax. But I’m going to have to spank you. Remember last time you had spoken to me that way, I warned you? I always follow through.” An uncontrollable whimper escaped from me, and I trembled more. You had complete control over me. I knew there was nothing I could do to stop you, and what’s more, I deserved this. I had to take it. And at the same time I felt this fear and helplessness I felt intoxicated, hypnotized, like a spell was working it’s way through me. I felt warm, tingly inside all over, my head was light, I knew I was in your power and i felt deliciously violated by the thought.
You smoothed my hair slowly over my head and very slowly and gently ran your fingers over my scalp and down my neck. You stroked my back, and worked down until your hand was on my ass. You lifted the skirt up and then pulled my underwear down so I was exposed. I lay there trembling and gripping your leg under me, as if for security. The person I was holding tight to for security was the same person punishing me. A wave of intoxication passed through me, desire and hurt, together. You started out by gently massaging in a circular motion…and then, the first blow landed…I started with the shock of it…as you continued I felt unbidden sobs come, I cried out, I was breaking…you continued…I started to feel I could not take any more…i helplessly clung to you for security…as you struck me and I cried and mumbled incoherently you spoke to me….”that’s it, honey…just take it. It’s going to be all right.” Every time you struck me you massaged me there afterwards before starting again. I was broken.
When I felt I could not take any more, suddenly you stopped. “It’s over now,” you whispered to me. “It’s over. Shhh.” You stroked me where you had been hitting me, pulled me up and against you, cradling me in your arms, kissing my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips. You held my head firmly and securely against your chest and silently held me there for how long I couldn’t say, you kissed my tears away.