Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘ambiguity’

Video

Borderline

A poem I wrote in 2005… Video done about a half year or so ago…repost, it’s been awhile.

Good Breaking, Bad Breaking, And Borderline Breaking…And Relationships, Take Two

think i would say Good breaking would be where there is break-through, basically….to healing or new or re contacted levels of Reality, the self, being, love, etc. bad breaking where yes where it just shatters and tortures you, and where there is no point. Borderline breaking would be where it is both bad and good at the same time, where you are put through an experience that shakes you up deeply or shatters you in a painful way and a wounding or devastating way but where at the same time you have a breakthrough in the process, or where there is “violent rescue” I might say like in my poem. Also I would extend this idea of three kinds of breaking to happen in some intimate relationships too.

good breaking in relationships…sometimes when you want to break down your walls and defenses with another person or for someone else to do it to you in a way that allows healing and vulnerability and shedding of pretenses and glass bubbles, etc.  sometimes you want to be able to break down and let it out (the pain, tension, pent up feelings inside) and have someone hold you and be there for you, and, sometimes you want the life in you to flow through you un impeded and break the stultifying dams inside you.  Sometimes you want your armour to be pierced and to lose your habitual self imprisoned in stagnant thought structures, to be destroyed so to speak but not truly in the way you might normally think of that word, tO be…broken…with love…

 

it is the good breaking in regards to relationships I wanted to talk about here…I think we all know what the bad breaking is in relationships.  Where someone abuses you, sets out to destroy you (in the conventional sense of the word), to ruin everything you are…

 

borderline breaking is of course when someone deeply hurts and devastates you in a relationship but where there is still a connection which has intimacy and caring within it, despite its ambiguous nature. 

 

 

Video

Video of “Borderline”

My poem previously posted in here

Three Kinds Of Breaking, Boundaries (possible trigger warning, not sure)

Ok a couple of years ago I told a friend that I had come up with a theory of breaking…three types of breaking…

1) negative breaking… That is someone sets out to destroy you, to abuse you, to crucify you.

2) positive breaking… Someone breaks your walls down and opens you up, so you can feel again, so you can melt and dissolve and truly touch another person inside

3) borderline breaking… This is the razor’s edge between positive and negative, which is a dangerous but magical domain.  This combines elements of both positive and negative, and it can be unclear whether this is “bad” or “good.” One can have very mixed feelings and this is the edge, the place where you are taken to a level you may be afraid of yet long for, or where you may hate someone for doing to you yet it may be the best thing anyone ever did to you, in one sense.  

Poem-“Borderline” please scroll down if it doesn’t appear at top of page.

Faith Nikki Ian
 
Steven Leon Farrimond
 
Faith Nikki Ian
 
Faith Nikki Ian
 

“Borderline”

Suffocating
But fighting for survival.

I’ve been walking on the borderline
For a long time.
Used to the mediated light
Forgetting that the sun
Is still intact.

Break me!
Take me beyond,
Take me through.

Show me that
I’m still alive, here, and real.

I’ll get down on my hands and knees.
Destroy me.
Your pain is healing.

I forgot who I was
In solitary confinement.
From my tomb it takes war to free me sometimes,
Violent rescue.

At the borderline
You take and hold me there, on the edge.
It’s a razor wire, you know.

Turn one way, it’s dangerous.

You might go over the line.

I have been waiting here
Bound and shackled.
A prisoner
Studying the bars on the walls

But I never give up
On living again.

Steven Leon Farrimond
 

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