Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘betrayal’

Image

On Not Pushing People Into Forgiveness At Times or Ways That They Are Not Ready

On Not Pushing People Into Forgiveness At Times or Ways That They Are Not Ready

Aside

Just Trying To Break Through

Respond to this post by replying above this line

New post on shatteredandshining

Just Trying To Break Through

by shatteredandshining

Trying to go within today and deal with my wounds and try to get closer to what is real to me and get a better understanding, reached out one last time yesterday to the ex friend who has abandoned thoroughly our friendship, was rejected, he told the person who passed along the message that he was my well wisher but he was completely closed forever to anything else.  He just views me as a manipulator who he has to be totally free of.  I too need to be totally free of him.  All he does is cause pain and stand in the distance.  I am getting stronger.

Comment    See all comments    Like
Unsubscribe or change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions.

Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser:
https://shatteredandshining.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/just-trying-to-break-through/

Thanks for flying with  WordPress.com

I needed to get this out and sort through it

Did we ever have a real connection?  I know we didnt meet enough.did we have a spiritual connection or did we not? Does there remain one regardless of whether you ever want to act on it again? Or not?  You.threw it all away like people did to you, you didn’t need me anymore,  decided our relationship was not worth fighting for, despite the good that was there, despite the breakthroughs that happened, that could’ve still happened, despite you saying once that abandoning me would be like abandoning yourself, but you changed your mind.  Why? Because you found her to fulfill all your intimacy needs?  I could’ve been a friend, I could’ve grown and changed in a lot of ways, I would’ve still had to be myself though, and follow my own path, which you decided you I guess diverged so much from mine because I value inclusion of negative emotions, of respecting people’s insecurities and fears, of engaging wounds and patience with people’s pain and flaws? Is that why? Is it I was not perfect enough? Is it really that you felt that I could not or would not change? I know that you felt I was untrustworthy.  I know I reacted so strongly to my abandonment fears that from time to time I temporarily lashed out verbally…that I didn’t perfectly respect your boundaries…Why did you decide that we couldn’t continue to grow together, really? Why did you decide to completely wall me out? Why are you so I unempathetic to me and my pain?

If I Need To Let Go Let Me Let Go

I really have to accept that it is over and done.  He is not open to me any more or any further breakthroughs.  He said it.  He is done.  I have to realize he is not who I wanted him to be, and he is not wanting of what I thought I saw in him.  I have to move on to being myself separately and looking to new relationships and possibilities of relationships for the connections I truly need and want.  That’s all I can do.  I wanted to include him but he doesn’t want to be included.  God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  God help me let go and let God (you).  God please help me and please help him

Burned

Done with lies

Done with cries

I slam the door and cut the ties

 

My eyes are gouged out

My ears securely covered

 

Forget everything you meant, the fire has turned to ash

You never did quite hear me

And it poisoned me and made me ill

I may be sick all on my own

I tried with you too long

And it’s hopeless now I guess

So I will burn the bridge and forget you exist

I would like to destroy myself

And this world.

 

 

A Status I Just Wrote On Facebook, About What I Need To Recover

Freedom, I got a feeling of freedom just before, of totally cutting hope and ties with that untrue friend, of not needing to be made sick and bitter over hopin for something which is impossible, to actually be cared for enough and accepted enough that he would cut ally want to truly be friends with me. He is not capable of doing these things with me. So I give up, will not look to him for those needs, it was just wounding myself over and over. He is out of my life, and doesn’t see me, accept me, or relate to my views on negative emotions enough to be a friend. His girlfriend is also off my friends list now, I don’t have to worry about either of them anymore.

Tag Cloud