Thoughts On Abandonment Fears…How Can I Keep From Being Broken By Them

I realize how broken I can become by my insecurities and fears and vulnerability in the face of loss of a relationship. There’s no way really to have the kind of absolute security I crave even though there are relationships with a significant amount of security involved. So what can I do about these fears of mine and this pain that comes with it…and then in tow the relationship sabotaging if I put too much pressure on someone? I have to learn and internalize that I can’t control the person, if the connection is real and meant to last and i am important to them and they to me, it will, if not, it won’t, and if not, I don’t need it. If it is, it is great. If it is not, that’s not the relationship I need, I need to be valued and cared for. I can’t have absolute security, and if I really like someone and care about them I can be accommodating to their difficulty, and not pressure them into a place they are not comfortable with, And not be demanding. But if someone turns out to just not really want me in their life, I have to have faith that love is still available to me with or without that person. Because it hurts so much to fear them rejecting me. I have abandonment issues. Emotions are intense and they hurt. But this life is not a cakewalk, and I have to get through best I can.

love is real…despite whether a specific person chooses to love me or care for me, or if they change their mind about me.

And of course I do the black and white thinking and catastrophizing, thinking that just because someone may have times they have difficulty remembering their ability to connect with me, that it is all hopeless. Those ups and downs are part of things.

i have value. So do you.