I dream of him, the one I haven’t met yet, the one I kept looking for. Opening me, reaching inside, loving me, soothing me, protecting me, knowing me. And allowing me to do the same for him, learning together how to take down the walls. Breaking me at times, bringing my tears to the surface, holding me in his arms.
Posts tagged ‘connection’
You swiftly and decisively grab me, pull me against you, holding me securely. .i have wanted for so long to be in your arms, though i have feared the feelings inside me, feared being overcome by my longing and my helplessness with you.
First you make sure I know I am safe with you and of your intentions. To touch me, touch me so deep inside….you begin to run your fingers over me gently, over my face, my hair, the length of my body…my breasts, my stomach, my hips, my thighs, then slowly upward from my thighs…you caress me with first your fingers, your hands, then, your lips, your tongue… you caress my wounds inside. I am opening inside…You make me ache, cry, and scream for you…it hurts and heals as you kiss the pain and any last resistance away…until…until I am melting against you, melting into molten flowing rivers of warmth and sweet agony…then I am exploding…breaking inside and you are shattering me…while freeing me, destroying my last defenses. ..you totally embrace me, hold me hard and don’t let go…as I convulse and shake and quiver, in your arms…you kiss my face gently as my shaking resides…stroke my back, my hair…look at me with your dark intense gaze ….hold me still…reassure me that it will be okay and you are here with me and you are not going anywhere.
Break me sensually. Then hold me and comfort me while I shake….
Another fantasy. Sharing and opening ourselves to one another. Including our light and dark aspects, happiness and sadness…
Let me open up to you. Open up to me. Let me trust you and take me to levels of passion, vulnerability and surrender. Take me for all of me, and let me take you for all of you. If you want me to learn certain things to make you happy, I will do my best.
Let me be who I am, and respect me.
What is connection?
I wanted to really connect with a particular person who at first seemed open to it but then decided against it, it feels. Sometimes I feel the feeling of the connection. Then I wonder, am I feeling it? Or am I feeling something just in me unfelt by the other person. And I think about how I had wanted something a lot and it was taken away. The door was shut. I wanted a level of personal ness and depth perhaps, and bonding that perhaps thjus person just is not open to with me.
All I can think is a) if this person is not open to it, all I can do is know what is real in ME that can’t be taken by anyone else, and that I CAN have in the future with someone who IS open to it, and, b), that IF the connection between me and this one person truly is real for both of us and not only me, (and including me, because I sometimes don’t know what connections are real for ME and which are not), then be will reconnect.
In the meantime I must accept where things are at and that I may just have to let my dreams of a deeper connection with this person go and just crept what IS there and let the rest go. Yes I know I repeated myself here.
More about the breaking…it is not just a “BDSM” sexual thing..there is reality on multiple levels. And they interconnect…breaking is a part and a pathway to connection with our self inside, and with another on a deep level, and to broader awareness. It is not destructive. It is healing and freeing. Liberation, release. Sometimes breaking is good. Sometimes we need to break…break through…it does not always mean breakdown or destruction, at least not in the negative, tormenting sense. Words can’t capture the essence. But the word for me is important…I have my little fixations.
Breaking open. That is a good way to put it.
The BDSM aspect…that is another aspect. I am trying, to figure out how it all relates, ties….where reality lies. As usual.
Good breaking allows us to go below the surface.
Crack the wall, the shell.
Allows us to see and feel
Ourselves, and, one another.
Allows me to touch places and be touched
Someday, the person who connects with me in the ways I am looking for and who does not turn away will be with me. I will not run after anyone anymore who doesn’t want to engage. I dont have to constantly be Abandoned and decided I am not Worth it to someone. I have more determination and will then some may give me credit for, I don’t have to accept rejection as a way of life, and, I will not.