There’s a hidden language I am trying to get to, it lives deep inside. It is of desire, heart, and soul…and of connection, intimacy, fulfillment of deep desires, healing. At times I catch glimpses of it,yet, it remains hidden and buried.
At times this language is about breaking and being penetrated…about surrender, and giving over, hurting me to heal me…and having someone know me, see me, love me. Breaking me and breaking me open…touching me with soft healing strokes in the most sensitive places. Opening wounds and mending them with your touch. you are taking me deeper, to places seemingly long lost.
Make me trust you. Let me trust you. Let me know I’m safe with you. That I am safe to let you do these things to me.
I dream of him, the one I haven’t met yet, the one I kept looking for. Opening me, reaching inside, loving me, soothing me, protecting me, knowing me. And allowing me to do the same for him, learning together how to take down the walls. Breaking me at times, bringing my tears to the surface, holding me in his arms.
Break me sensually. Then hold me and comfort me while I shake….
Another fantasy. Sharing and opening ourselves to one another. Including our light and dark aspects, happiness and sadness…
Let me open up to you. Open up to me. Let me trust you and take me to levels of passion, vulnerability and surrender. Take me for all of me, and let me take you for all of you. If you want me to learn certain things to make you happy, I will do my best.
Let me be who I am, and respect me.
He knew how vulnerable I was with him, emotionally and mentally. He knew the power he had over me, and how he can send me into a tailspin. He deliberately pushed my buttons with the words he used, tearing back the bandages with which I bound my wounds and stripping away the walls I’d built for safety. I started to get agitated then, and I felt the tension build inside me. My breathing became shallow and my hands grasped at the nearest objects, nervously pinching and pulling on them. I managed to speak. “Now…now…I’m really stressed,” I got out. He gazed at me, calmly, but concerned. He gazed deeply into my eyes. I could see understanding in them. He then got up and came across the room to where I sat, huddled in the chair, and he pulled me against him. He cradled my head against his shoulder holding it with one hand, and he put his other arm protectively around me, his hand softly on my back. “It’s okay,” he whispered softly to me. “Settle down, settle down.”. He held me like this for a little bit. He stroked my hair as I trembled. As he continued to soothe me, I felt inside like my insides were on fire, were melting, like I would break into pieces. I let myself relax in his embrace and I instinctively held on to him tightly. I felt his hands slowly and gently feeling their way over my body. They violated me, sensing the deep aching I had inside me. I felt as his fingers pushed my thighs apart and found my secret place, and the wetness. He was stroking me, rubbing me, probing inside me. Deeper and deeper…until all I could do was crumble, completely surrender to him. I gave myself over, utterly helpless, broken. His.