Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘feelings’

Take Me

It flows through me like lava, burning my soul

It makes me want to shake and lose all control

Sometimes it breaks me, sometimes it makes me feel whole

It makes me live, when life has taken its toll

It wants what it wants but disappears at a whim

It teases and taunts and sometimes fills to the brim

To be there with it I have to go out on a limb

The way to contact it leads through the within

I write and talk to you and ask you to stay

I don’t want to bother you but I have so much to say

The cracks in the walls come out when we play

You know I’ll be there with you, come what may.

Multiple Meanings, Levels, Aspects of The “Breaking” concept.

More about the breaking…it is not just a “BDSM” sexual thing..there is reality on multiple levels. And they interconnect…breaking is a part and a pathway to connection with our self inside, and with another on a deep level, and to broader awareness. It is not destructive. It is healing and freeing. Liberation, release. Sometimes breaking is good. Sometimes we need to break…break through…it does not always mean breakdown or destruction, at least not in the negative, tormenting sense. Words can’t capture the essence. But the word for me is important…I have my little fixations.

Breaking open. That is a good way to put it.

The BDSM aspect…that is another aspect. I am trying, to figure out how it all relates, ties….where reality lies. As usual.

Wanting To Be Found (short story)

She had always been a sensitive person, and when people mistreated her, which happened often, it felt as if she was being torn apart, crushed, and that she became nothing.  The fragile tendrils attempting to reach out for sunlight, her desires for affection, respect, and connection with her fellow humans, were constantly thwarted.  People made fun of her for who she was, judged her and found her lacking, used her and exploited her, and rejected her when she developed a longing for someone.  So, as she grew into an adult after a lifetime of this, having it constantly drilled into her head that there was something wrong with her and that she did not deserve what she wanted and needed most of all, she slowly built a shell to hide inside.  To keep the world, and life itself, from touching her.  It was a hard shell, she blocked the vulnerability that she had been taught to fear.  For a time, it felt like a solution.  She  felt secure in there, calm and impenetrable, not hurtable.  

 

But before long this security turned to oppression, she felt disconnected from the only thing that made her feel alive, that she desired most of all, because deep down she felt that it wasn’t safe to want it.  She felt buried alive, and her obsession became obtaining freedom, at any cost.  

 

All she wanted any more was for the shell to break, to shatter, to be rescued and truly touched, Inside, again.  

Image

Small collage

Small collage

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A Collage I Made At Program

A Collage I Made At Program

Aspects of Me

My Take On “Negative Emotions”

I am NOT a “happy happy joy joy” kind of person, who believes in suppressing “negative” emotions and honestly it pushes my buttons whenever I feel someone is judging me for that. I embrace the positive, I work with the negative and accept that it will sometimes be there. That is not the same as surrendering to it. The reality is, I HAD A MAJOR HEARTBREAK very very recently, and I am not ashamed of my emotions. I am trying to work through it and recover, at my own pace. No one else’s. I will, however, look to the positive when possible and find hope and strength when and where I can, for myself, and also to be a positive force in the lives of people suffering who I may be able to help.

 

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