Posts tagged ‘Healing’
There’s a hidden language I am trying to get to, it lives deep inside. It is of desire, heart, and soul…and of connection, intimacy, fulfillment of deep desires, healing. At times I catch glimpses of it,yet, it remains hidden and buried.
At times this language is about breaking and being penetrated…about surrender, and giving over, hurting me to heal me…and having someone know me, see me, love me. Breaking me and breaking me open…touching me with soft healing strokes in the most sensitive places. Opening wounds and mending them with your touch. you are taking me deeper, to places seemingly long lost.
Make me trust you. Let me trust you. Let me know I’m safe with you. That I am safe to let you do these things to me.
There is much percolating inside my mind and heart…well I am trying to get closer to my heart, to touch it, I want to truly live. In my mind there are things percolating, a lot underneath, some can be seen at the surface, some only in glimpses. I am looking for Truth. I am looking for the core and the inner meaning. I am looking for way to heal and to be less afraid of fear and uncertainty, to embrace my difficulties and my brokenness as real parts of my experience I must contend with though not ultimately triumph and not the only parts of me but I cannot will them away or pretend they don’t exist. Embrace my vulnerability yet have hope for safety. See the ego for what it is too and see through. I don’t need to worry about what makes me adequate or inadequate to this world. Though this insecurity is there and a part of me, there is something deeper and more important. Getting to the heart of the matter and the meaning in me and in Life. I am part of something bigger, grander than myself or my limited knowledge. It includes my essence but I am not the end. I am a part. I must follow my path and search for truth, for the Real, both in me and beyond me. Our egos are not what really matters. Our selves matter. And I am not yet enough prepared or advanced to fully see truth. I can be grateful for the puzzle pieces that come my way. Be patient with the glimpses and seek to put them together to peel away what keeps my vision from the whole, but in it’s own time, and for now live in the moment, be as real as possible, yet have patience with the unreality, the confusions, the blocks to clear seeing that come my way, I surrender, I have to dance with them.
Lord of the Rings is inspiring my mind and lighting fires inside…it is giving me hope in dark places.
More about the breaking…it is not just a “BDSM” sexual thing..there is reality on multiple levels. And they interconnect…breaking is a part and a pathway to connection with our self inside, and with another on a deep level, and to broader awareness. It is not destructive. It is healing and freeing. Liberation, release. Sometimes breaking is good. Sometimes we need to break…break through…it does not always mean breakdown or destruction, at least not in the negative, tormenting sense. Words can’t capture the essence. But the word for me is important…I have my little fixations.
Breaking open. That is a good way to put it.
The BDSM aspect…that is another aspect. I am trying, to figure out how it all relates, ties….where reality lies. As usual.
People must have a real alternative if they are to not use modern psychiatry, and most of the holistic treatments and especially retreats are too expensive. Real alternatives.
Now me, myself, I am not against the treatments of modern psychiatry if they help someone (including me because I feel I benefit from psych meds), although of course I AM against abuses and neglects within the system that happen frequently and I am against dehumanization and disempowerment of people by treating us as if we are incompetents, children, or the worst, non-persons. I am also against PUSHING meds on people who find that other things help them more. I mean meds can help and I find it unfortunate when people who DO need meds and would be helped by them refuse to take them, but there are some who find for themselves that other things are what makes their personal realities enter places to be, and that meds are detrimental for them. And there are also those who have experienced traumatization at the hands of “mental health professionals,” and for them meds and the system are just not doable sometimes, and they have that right to do what thy need to do to take care of THEMSELVES in the way that feels best for them, including if that does NOT include meds or the system.
It’s all about choice and empowerment of the individual, whether that includes meds and psychiatry, or doesn’t.
“The resting place of the mind is the heart.
The only thing the mind hears all day is clanging bells
and noise and argument, and all it wants is quietude.
The only place the mind will ever find peace
is inside the silence of the heart.
That’s where you need to go.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Sometimes I am able to sit in myself
At home in my skin
Grounded with a secure foundation
A lake to float in
Soft, present, and soothing
Sometimes, I am here.
Sometimes I glance around me
Gaze shifting this way and that
Unable to settle down
Nothing to hold and contain me.
Waiting, for the door to open
I glance at you
You look away
I want to hold your gaze in mine
And you to hold mine in yours.
I want you to hold me down
And I want to hold myself down
Stop this endless running.
There is a place that is unbroken.