There’s a hidden language I am trying to get to, it lives deep inside. It is of desire, heart, and soul…and of connection, intimacy, fulfillment of deep desires, healing. At times I catch glimpses of it,yet, it remains hidden and buried.
At times this language is about breaking and being penetrated…about surrender, and giving over, hurting me to heal me…and having someone know me, see me, love me. Breaking me and breaking me open…touching me with soft healing strokes in the most sensitive places. Opening wounds and mending them with your touch. you are taking me deeper, to places seemingly long lost.
Make me trust you. Let me trust you. Let me know I’m safe with you. That I am safe to let you do these things to me.
More about the breaking…it is not just a “BDSM” sexual thing..there is reality on multiple levels. And they interconnect…breaking is a part and a pathway to connection with our self inside, and with another on a deep level, and to broader awareness. It is not destructive. It is healing and freeing. Liberation, release. Sometimes breaking is good. Sometimes we need to break…break through…it does not always mean breakdown or destruction, at least not in the negative, tormenting sense. Words can’t capture the essence. But the word for me is important…I have my little fixations.
Breaking open. That is a good way to put it.
The BDSM aspect…that is another aspect. I am trying, to figure out how it all relates, ties….where reality lies. As usual.
Touching in deep places
When the glass shatters and breaks
We will meet again
Someday, the person who connects with me in the ways I am looking for and who does not turn away will be with me. I will not run after anyone anymore who doesn’t want to engage. I dont have to constantly be Abandoned and decided I am not Worth it to someone. I have more determination and will then some may give me credit for, I don’t have to accept rejection as a way of life, and, I will not.