Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘loss’

I needed to get this out and sort through it

Did we ever have a real connection?  I know we didnt meet enough.did we have a spiritual connection or did we not? Does there remain one regardless of whether you ever want to act on it again? Or not?  You.threw it all away like people did to you, you didn’t need me anymore,  decided our relationship was not worth fighting for, despite the good that was there, despite the breakthroughs that happened, that could’ve still happened, despite you saying once that abandoning me would be like abandoning yourself, but you changed your mind.  Why? Because you found her to fulfill all your intimacy needs?  I could’ve been a friend, I could’ve grown and changed in a lot of ways, I would’ve still had to be myself though, and follow my own path, which you decided you I guess diverged so much from mine because I value inclusion of negative emotions, of respecting people’s insecurities and fears, of engaging wounds and patience with people’s pain and flaws? Is that why? Is it I was not perfect enough? Is it really that you felt that I could not or would not change? I know that you felt I was untrustworthy.  I know I reacted so strongly to my abandonment fears that from time to time I temporarily lashed out verbally…that I didn’t perfectly respect your boundaries…Why did you decide that we couldn’t continue to grow together, really? Why did you decide to completely wall me out? Why are you so I unempathetic to me and my pain?

Burned

Done with lies

Done with cries

I slam the door and cut the ties

 

My eyes are gouged out

My ears securely covered

 

Forget everything you meant, the fire has turned to ash

You never did quite hear me

And it poisoned me and made me ill

I may be sick all on my own

I tried with you too long

And it’s hopeless now I guess

So I will burn the bridge and forget you exist

I would like to destroy myself

And this world.

 

 

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