I it’s like there are different levels of me and one is the inner stuff, the best and most essential part, and it is every day most of the day blocked by a shell I guess has become habitual and it’s really hard to break or peel away. The inner me wants to be found, seen, and connected to another in a close way. Always I am trying. I have a fear of being lost and alone. I have a fear of this inner me not being seen and being unglued and scrambling in the dark. Understand me! It cries. Know me. Accept me. Hold me close
Sometimes it’s hard to transition between realities. I want to be integrated, whole, seamless, the parts of me not divided, no one getting left in the dark.
People must have a real alternative if they are to not use modern psychiatry, and most of the holistic treatments and especially retreats are too expensive. Real alternatives.
Now me, myself, I am not against the treatments of modern psychiatry if they help someone (including me because I feel I benefit from psych meds), although of course I AM against abuses and neglects within the system that happen frequently and I am against dehumanization and disempowerment of people by treating us as if we are incompetents, children, or the worst, non-persons. I am also against PUSHING meds on people who find that other things help them more. I mean meds can help and I find it unfortunate when people who DO need meds and would be helped by them refuse to take them, but there are some who find for themselves that other things are what makes their personal realities enter places to be, and that meds are detrimental for them. And there are also those who have experienced traumatization at the hands of “mental health professionals,” and for them meds and the system are just not doable sometimes, and they have that right to do what thy need to do to take care of THEMSELVES in the way that feels best for them, including if that does NOT include meds or the system.
It’s all about choice and empowerment of the individual, whether that includes meds and psychiatry, or doesn’t.
Mindfulness…let my thoughts come, go, come, float through like clouds in the sky…let them go, let them come, don’t cling to them, the important ones, they will come back, (as well as the obsessive ones lol)… I am not destroyed I still am and will be…live in the moment, what is important is not lost, I will not be destroyed
I break down again
My mind reaches its limits
Opening to silence.