Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘numb’

Wanting To Be Found (short story)

She had always been a sensitive person, and when people mistreated her, which happened often, it felt as if she was being torn apart, crushed, and that she became nothing.  The fragile tendrils attempting to reach out for sunlight, her desires for affection, respect, and connection with her fellow humans, were constantly thwarted.  People made fun of her for who she was, judged her and found her lacking, used her and exploited her, and rejected her when she developed a longing for someone.  So, as she grew into an adult after a lifetime of this, having it constantly drilled into her head that there was something wrong with her and that she did not deserve what she wanted and needed most of all, she slowly built a shell to hide inside.  To keep the world, and life itself, from touching her.  It was a hard shell, she blocked the vulnerability that she had been taught to fear.  For a time, it felt like a solution.  She  felt secure in there, calm and impenetrable, not hurtable.  

 

But before long this security turned to oppression, she felt disconnected from the only thing that made her feel alive, that she desired most of all, because deep down she felt that it wasn’t safe to want it.  She felt buried alive, and her obsession became obtaining freedom, at any cost.  

 

All she wanted any more was for the shell to break, to shatter, to be rescued and truly touched, Inside, again.  

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Kitty (a short story experiment,which may not be finished yet)

Kitty had always been quiet.  She elt fragile around people.  She felt like she was made of glass, that she could be broken and shattered.  She felt transparent, that people could see through her and would shove her violently aside and use her for their own purposes; think she was an empty space that they could fill with whatever they wanted; judge her reality as worthless, and easily dismissible.  

 

So she kept to herself.  She held herself off, built walls and barriers.  She disguised herself as much as possible because she did not want to break and she did not want to be obliterated.  She lived in a secret world, where no one could see in.  

 

But after a while she couldn’t see in either a good part of the time.  

 

Her sadness and isolation is evidenced in her eyes at times.  Sometimes they are blank though; veiled, inscrutable, indecipherable.  

 

But deep down, there is a part of her that knows there is something else.  Something other than THIS.  Sometimes, she catches glimpses of it.  

 

Sometimes her eyes get a focused look to them, a door opens, light comes shimmering through the cracks.  

 

Sometimes she wants someone to see inside.  She made herself invisible, but she is tired of being invisible.  She wants someone to come in, who is different than the others.  She wants to be safe and held.  She is tired of disappearing.  

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