More about the breaking…it is not just a “BDSM” sexual thing..there is reality on multiple levels. And they interconnect…breaking is a part and a pathway to connection with our self inside, and with another on a deep level, and to broader awareness. It is not destructive. It is healing and freeing. Liberation, release. Sometimes breaking is good. Sometimes we need to break…break through…it does not always mean breakdown or destruction, at least not in the negative, tormenting sense. Words can’t capture the essence. But the word for me is important…I have my little fixations.
Breaking open. That is a good way to put it.
The BDSM aspect…that is another aspect. I am trying, to figure out how it all relates, ties….where reality lies. As usual.
There’s so much I want to say
So much of Reality that I would like to put words and images to
To make manifest in forms
But the waters are murky and muddy
And the picture hidden from view
Bang my head against the wall
The glass needs breaking
Like a coconut, hard to crack
In a hard shell
The warm liquid inside is sustenance
But the shell…
It’s hard to break.
I want to be
Where the waters intermingle
Where the colors flash and shine
As what they are
As the multiple facets, indispensable
Of the one Reality
Inviolate,undisturbed,yet open,soft,and yielding
The OCD is part of me,it’s real, it’s there. Chronic doubts, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts. But it is not ME. I am a lot more than it. I am beyond it. Right now, having the urge to remember and go over my thoughts about myself. In me I have what is real, what is beautiful and meaningful, inside (as do we all). Even though I get away from it sometimes, or worried that I don’t measure up. Have to let the ego and perfectionism go. But I am not nothing.
What am I? I am what I am.
Anyway, always looking for what’s Real. What’s Real is there, but can’t be grasped by clinging to my thoughts about what is Real and not letting go and just being in the moment. What’s important will come back. I can’t hold on to my vision constantly, it hurts to let go of my tight grasp on my thoughts but has to be done. Why is Reality always slipping from me? It is so damn FRUSTRATING.
Most people, do not understand my thought process I guess. So what. I am me, not them. As long as I have those who DO understand, I can deal with that.