It flows through me like lava, burning my soul
It makes me want to shake and lose all control
Sometimes it breaks me, sometimes it makes me feel whole
It makes me live, when life has taken its toll
It wants what it wants but disappears at a whim
It teases and taunts and sometimes fills to the brim
To be there with it I have to go out on a limb
The way to contact it leads through the within
I write and talk to you and ask you to stay
I don’t want to bother you but I have so much to say
The cracks in the walls come out when we play
You know I’ll be there with you, come what may.
The OCD is part of me,it’s real, it’s there. Chronic doubts, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts. But it is not ME. I am a lot more than it. I am beyond it. Right now, having the urge to remember and go over my thoughts about myself. In me I have what is real, what is beautiful and meaningful, inside (as do we all). Even though I get away from it sometimes, or worried that I don’t measure up. Have to let the ego and perfectionism go. But I am not nothing.
What am I? I am what I am.
Anyway, always looking for what’s Real. What’s Real is there, but can’t be grasped by clinging to my thoughts about what is Real and not letting go and just being in the moment. What’s important will come back. I can’t hold on to my vision constantly, it hurts to let go of my tight grasp on my thoughts but has to be done. Why is Reality always slipping from me? It is so damn FRUSTRATING.
Most people, do not understand my thought process I guess. So what. I am me, not them. As long as I have those who DO understand, I can deal with that.