There is love…being embraced, understood, cared for, known, and doing so in turn..
-There is being comforted. There is wanting someone to see your pain, and, wanting your pain to make them pull closer to you…to soothe the pain and soothe you. To heal you, and to take you, and, take care of you inside. To want to get as close to you as possible and melt you inside, and kiss the pain away, and to take control in a sense, during that.
-There is also wanting them to have the control at times over you where they can spank you, punish you, make you vulnerable in that sense…bring out your tears and break you down to an extent. But… at the same time where you feel safe and cared for during that and know that they wouldn’t take inflicting pain or punishment too far or purposely TRULY hurt you. And that they are there for you, and want you, and will not leave you …and will hold you afterwards, and comfort you.
You swiftly and decisively grab me, pull me against you, holding me securely. .i have wanted for so long to be in your arms, though i have feared the feelings inside me, feared being overcome by my longing and my helplessness with you.
First you make sure I know I am safe with you and of your intentions. To touch me, touch me so deep inside….you begin to run your fingers over me gently, over my face, my hair, the length of my body…my breasts, my stomach, my hips, my thighs, then slowly upward from my thighs…you caress me with first your fingers, your hands, then, your lips, your tongue… you caress my wounds inside. I am opening inside…You make me ache, cry, and scream for you…it hurts and heals as you kiss the pain and any last resistance away…until…until I am melting against you, melting into molten flowing rivers of warmth and sweet agony…then I am exploding…breaking inside and you are shattering me…while freeing me, destroying my last defenses. ..you totally embrace me, hold me hard and don’t let go…as I convulse and shake and quiver, in your arms…you kiss my face gently as my shaking resides…stroke my back, my hair…look at me with your dark intense gaze ….hold me still…reassure me that it will be okay and you are here with me and you are not going anywhere.
Break me sensually. Then hold me and comfort me while I shake….
Another fantasy. Sharing and opening ourselves to one another. Including our light and dark aspects, happiness and sadness…
Let me open up to you. Open up to me. Let me trust you and take me to levels of passion, vulnerability and surrender. Take me for all of me, and let me take you for all of you. If you want me to learn certain things to make you happy, I will do my best.
Let me be who I am, and respect me.
I just posted this today on a website, am reposting it here: Musings on my deep desires romantically and sensually speaking with the right person: I think a relationship which is about trust and intimacy and consensual ly breaking each other’s walls down…and opening up to vulnerability…i want to be touched in a very deep and “sensually violating” way at times. Be taken, taken over, broken down and held
What is the fixation with breaking? With the concept of someone “breaking” me? It’s a fetish and a fixation but what exactly is it? I think it’s someone being intimate enough with me to understand my vulnerabilities, and “cracking the shell” so to speak, piercing through it, breaking me down to who I really am and to a raw and vulnerable and open state. Taking control of me in one sense, in the sense of being somewhat forceful and guiding me in it. And the person being there for me and supporting me through it and reassuring me that they are there. I think all this is what I mean when I say “break me” for the most part and in a deep way. And this has a lot in common with some therapies and spiritual initiations, except it for me has an intimate, romantic, sexual, element as well…and love is present.
I wonder about some things. For example, the submissive aspect of me, what that entails for me. I know I want to love and be loved, and to be understood, cared for, comforted when needed, reassured, shared with, depth, closeness, intimacy…and for me and the other person to be able to break through walls of the other person to be vulnerable and to feel. But they’re is the submissive side, what exactly does that entail? Is that a fantasy to have someone who can at times (not always) take control, guide and lead me, physically and emotionally? Is it the “sensual domination” and wanting to be held down and restrained? Is it a desire to have someone who knows me well enough to break my defenses down and have me be vulnerable with them?
Some people are in twenty four seven dominant/sub relationships where that is an integral aspect of the bond and is always present…I guess it’s a bond of trust and for the submissive, being able to submit yourself, totally trust and be open with someone, give yourself to them, and have someone know you that we’ll and care for you to the extent that you open yourself up in a way you wouldn’t with anyone else. And for the dominant having someone trust you that totally, let you inside their walls, devote themselves and give themselves over… Those aspects I can understand and relate to…
i think i am a little confused as to whether the twenty four seven dynamic would be right for me or not. I kind of think it wouldn’t be because I don’t know that I could give up that much control and put myself at the mercy of another to that extent…and I know one thing, I’d have to hold onto myself and my own sense of strength from within…whether or not I could do that in a twenty four seven D/S relationship, I am confused about, and don’t know enough about “The lifestyle”… Or my own tolerance and limits. I know one thing though, to submit to someone like that I’d have to really have a strong sense of connection, love, and trust, and that I would still be intact, and be able to become more of who I am, not less…
one day at a time…I’m not sure the answers right now.