I am still learning..,a long way to go..one thing, I am submissive in aspects of me, but definitely not a slave. I couldn’t surrender my whole will and life to another person twenty four/seven. I need to have strength in myself and a sense of who I am, and I know myself and what I need better than anyone in a lot of ways. I want to express the aspect that is submissive, but I also want to be an individual and have my own sense of strength and self within me, plus I have yet to find someone I could totally entrust everything in me to, lol. This is where I am at now, I am not judging anyone or trying to speak for anyone else, this is just where I personally am at.
I want to find someone who I really connect with on a heart and soul level, first and foremost, someone who can know, accept, understand, and love me…but I also want them to have a dominant side, where they can take control and guide me at times, protect me, comfort me, and push my limits at times and help me break through. I want to be able to give myself, and know I will be Safe and Loved.
I want to be able to at times submit in a sensual and sexual sense…to play and be taken control of, and overcome. I want to be able to experience surrender. I want to give myself over and be taken over at certain times.
Also it’s possible that with the right person, I could switch, too, IF he wanted me to….
Where I’m at
I wonder about some things. For example, the submissive aspect of me, what that entails for me. I know I want to love and be loved, and to be understood, cared for, comforted when needed, reassured, shared with, depth, closeness, intimacy…and for me and the other person to be able to break through walls of the other person to be vulnerable and to feel. But they’re is the submissive side, what exactly does that entail? Is that a fantasy to have someone who can at times (not always) take control, guide and lead me, physically and emotionally? Is it the “sensual domination” and wanting to be held down and restrained? Is it a desire to have someone who knows me well enough to break my defenses down and have me be vulnerable with them?
Some people are in twenty four seven dominant/sub relationships where that is an integral aspect of the bond and is always present…I guess it’s a bond of trust and for the submissive, being able to submit yourself, totally trust and be open with someone, give yourself to them, and have someone know you that we’ll and care for you to the extent that you open yourself up in a way you wouldn’t with anyone else. And for the dominant having someone trust you that totally, let you inside their walls, devote themselves and give themselves over… Those aspects I can understand and relate to…
i think i am a little confused as to whether the twenty four seven dynamic would be right for me or not. I kind of think it wouldn’t be because I don’t know that I could give up that much control and put myself at the mercy of another to that extent…and I know one thing, I’d have to hold onto myself and my own sense of strength from within…whether or not I could do that in a twenty four seven D/S relationship, I am confused about, and don’t know enough about “The lifestyle”… Or my own tolerance and limits. I know one thing though, to submit to someone like that I’d have to really have a strong sense of connection, love, and trust, and that I would still be intact, and be able to become more of who I am, not less…
one day at a time…I’m not sure the answers right now.