I am still trying to figure out how the BDSM stuff comes into play for me in my life, and what my “romantic” needs are. I would like to find someone who can break me in the way I discussed in my previous posts about breaking, well, the first two…the “what is my fascination with breaking” one is a good description of something a big part of me seems to want. I would like to find the right person to explore things with. I have not found him yet. he would have to be someone I had a deep level of intimacy and trust with.
Posts tagged ‘submitting’
Reflections On BDSM, Submission, Who I Am And Am Not, Love, Etc. Just Sorting Through Some Stuff Here
I wonder about some things. For example, the submissive aspect of me, what that entails for me. I know I want to love and be loved, and to be understood, cared for, comforted when needed, reassured, shared with, depth, closeness, intimacy…and for me and the other person to be able to break through walls of the other person to be vulnerable and to feel. But they’re is the submissive side, what exactly does that entail? Is that a fantasy to have someone who can at times (not always) take control, guide and lead me, physically and emotionally? Is it the “sensual domination” and wanting to be held down and restrained? Is it a desire to have someone who knows me well enough to break my defenses down and have me be vulnerable with them?
Some people are in twenty four seven dominant/sub relationships where that is an integral aspect of the bond and is always present…I guess it’s a bond of trust and for the submissive, being able to submit yourself, totally trust and be open with someone, give yourself to them, and have someone know you that we’ll and care for you to the extent that you open yourself up in a way you wouldn’t with anyone else. And for the dominant having someone trust you that totally, let you inside their walls, devote themselves and give themselves over… Those aspects I can understand and relate to…
i think i am a little confused as to whether the twenty four seven dynamic would be right for me or not. I kind of think it wouldn’t be because I don’t know that I could give up that much control and put myself at the mercy of another to that extent…and I know one thing, I’d have to hold onto myself and my own sense of strength from within…whether or not I could do that in a twenty four seven D/S relationship, I am confused about, and don’t know enough about “The lifestyle”… Or my own tolerance and limits. I know one thing though, to submit to someone like that I’d have to really have a strong sense of connection, love, and trust, and that I would still be intact, and be able to become more of who I am, not less…
one day at a time…I’m not sure the answers right now.