Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘truth’

An Urgent Attempt To Communicate Flashes of Insight and Struggling

There is much percolating inside my mind and heart…well I am trying to get closer to my heart, to touch it, I want to truly live. In my mind there are things percolating, a lot underneath, some can be seen at the surface, some only in glimpses. I am looking for Truth. I am looking for the core and the inner meaning. I am looking for way to heal and to be less afraid of fear and uncertainty, to embrace my difficulties and my brokenness as real parts of my experience I must contend with though not ultimately triumph and not the only parts of me but I cannot will them away or pretend they don’t exist. Embrace my vulnerability yet have hope for safety. See the ego for what it is too and see through. I don’t need to worry about what makes me adequate or inadequate to this world. Though this insecurity is there and a part of me, there is something deeper and more important. Getting to the heart of the matter and the meaning in me and in Life. I am part of something bigger, grander than myself or my limited knowledge. It includes my essence but I am not the end. I am a part. I must follow my path and search for truth, for the Real, both in me and beyond me. Our egos are not what really matters. Our selves matter. And I am not yet enough prepared or advanced to fully see truth. I can be grateful for the puzzle pieces that come my way. Be patient with the glimpses and seek to put them together to peel away what keeps my vision from the whole, but in it’s own time, and for now live in the moment, be as real as possible, yet have patience with the unreality, the confusions, the blocks to clear seeing that come my way, I surrender, I have to dance with them.

Lord of the Rings is inspiring my mind and lighting fires inside…it is giving me hope in dark places.

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My Purpose

My writing will tell my story.  I want to speak out about my pain, struggles, desires, and learning process, to both be known to others, and to break walls and let people know they’re not alone.

A lot of times I am like a bouncing ball, here, there, all over the place, trying to be Real.  Like in Alice in Wonderland, there are a thousand signs pointing in different directions.  I find myself flitting this way and that, looking continually for the right way, for truth, for authenticity.  For congruence, integration, wholeness.

i want to be both vulnerable and strong, and find the security which doesn’t exclude the broken places.  I want to reach those who I am meant to connect with.

Random Thoughts…On Acceptance, Being Accepted, and Accepting Different Aspects

If people can’t understand me or who I really am, maybe I shouldn’t blame them or dwell on them, because not everybody is at a place where they CAN do this.  I know who I am.  And even what I do not know, I still am what I am.  Just attract those who get it, and me, and let go of the others.

Sometimes someone else can see and point out the good in us that we do not see.  This happened to me recently.  I felt that someone saw, accepted, and encouraged me, someone I have a lot of respect for.  May it continue.

Sometimes in the search for Ultimate Reality one can get too caught up in that, and dismiss THE REST of Reality.

i am MORE than my mental illness, yet I HAVE a mental illness.  I am not just like everybody else, yet, I am.

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