Personal Expression, Release, and Exploration of the theme of "Breaking"

Posts tagged ‘unreal’

“Break Me Open” poem

Break Me Open

I wait here for the doors to open
I welcome the release
The crack in the wall is my freedom

Smashing of boundaries
Wide open spaces
Where artificial fixtures

Finally no longer stand.

Surrender.
The storm.
The hurricane.
Smashes the house

And the gates fall
The structure crumbles
And my world appears intact,
Again.

So blast it open.
Penetration!
Break
It
Down

Tear me apart
Hurt me!
Because my world is not real,
Is not real!

Break me,
So I can live.
Hold me down,
So I can be safe,
And not float away.

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Kitty (a short story experiment,which may not be finished yet)

Kitty had always been quiet.  She elt fragile around people.  She felt like she was made of glass, that she could be broken and shattered.  She felt transparent, that people could see through her and would shove her violently aside and use her for their own purposes; think she was an empty space that they could fill with whatever they wanted; judge her reality as worthless, and easily dismissible.  

 

So she kept to herself.  She held herself off, built walls and barriers.  She disguised herself as much as possible because she did not want to break and she did not want to be obliterated.  She lived in a secret world, where no one could see in.  

 

But after a while she couldn’t see in either a good part of the time.  

 

Her sadness and isolation is evidenced in her eyes at times.  Sometimes they are blank though; veiled, inscrutable, indecipherable.  

 

But deep down, there is a part of her that knows there is something else.  Something other than THIS.  Sometimes, she catches glimpses of it.  

 

Sometimes her eyes get a focused look to them, a door opens, light comes shimmering through the cracks.  

 

Sometimes she wants someone to see inside.  She made herself invisible, but she is tired of being invisible.  She wants someone to come in, who is different than the others.  She wants to be safe and held.  She is tired of disappearing.  

Reality, Dissociation, Trying To Figure It Out To The Point Of Obsession ( (Could Be A Trigger For Some Who Have Dissociative Elements)

I am trying to break through to feeling my own realness and the realness of others and my connections to them, because I think I have some type of mild dissociation…

maybe it is a form of “derealization” I have, but don’t know what the correct word would be.  But a lot of times it feels like a part of me is not there, and is awoken at certain times for a brief time before I fall back into my normal state if not feeling fully Real.  I don’t know, is this a common way of being although it is not often identified, or is this a part of my illness…even if it is a common way of feeling, could be an unrecognized illness that is not seen as such but is experienced by many in this broken world.  Anyway, it seems that there is a part of me or parts of me that have become dissociated from rest part I am most often aware of, and I am not working as a whole.  I am always as a result obsessing about what Reality is and who is the ” Real” me, and trying to sort real from unreal, in an obsessive compulsive mind game that I constantly play aweigh myself (yes I have OCD).  Is this the reason? Because of a dissociation? And how do I integrate on a more regular basis?  It’s not that I have DID (dissociative identity disorder), I don’t have separate distinct personalities who are unknown to each other, just separated aspects of myself.

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