Break Me With Love (very short erotic story, warning, if this bothers you, again, don’t read)

He knew how vulnerable I was with him, emotionally and mentally. He knew the power he had over me, and how he can send me into a tailspin. He deliberately pushed my buttons with the words he used, tearing back the bandages with which I bound my wounds and stripping away the walls I’d built for safety. I started to get agitated then, and I felt the tension build inside me. My breathing became shallow and my hands grasped at the nearest objects, nervously pinching and pulling on them. I managed to speak. “Now…now…I’m really stressed,” I got out. He gazed at me, calmly, but concerned. He gazed deeply into my eyes. I could see understanding in them. He then got up and came across the room to where I sat, huddled in the chair, and he pulled me against him. He cradled my head against his shoulder holding it with one hand, and he put his other arm protectively around me, his hand softly on my back. “It’s okay,” he whispered softly to me. “Settle down, settle down.”. He held me like this for a little bit. He stroked my hair as I trembled. As he continued to soothe me, I felt inside like my insides were on fire, were melting, like I would break into pieces. I let myself relax in his embrace and I instinctively held on to him tightly. I felt his hands slowly and gently feeling their way over my body. They violated me, sensing the deep aching I had inside me. I felt as his fingers pushed my thighs apart and found my secret place, and the wetness. He was stroking me, rubbing me, probing inside me. Deeper and deeper…until all I could do was crumble, completely surrender to him. I gave myself over, utterly helpless, broken. His.

An Erotic One, To Me, I Wrote A Couple Of Months Or So Ago. Warning You So If You Are Bothered By Such Things, Don’t Read It.

He brushed my hair back with his fingers …”Shhh…it’s all right…he whispered softly to me in my ear…he turned my head so I was facing him and he gazed directly, deeply into my eyes…he kissed my eyes and my cheeks, kissed the tears away. Then he pulled my head back somewhat forcefully so my neck was exposed and kissed it, softly and slowly…I instinctively clutched at him, pulled him closer…I wanted him to love me and I wanted him to violate me. He held me against him, cradled me in his arms, stroking my hair with one hand, while his other hand found other, secret places, I felt myself tremble…

Self Doubt. Can Anyone Be And Stay Interested In Me.

Feeling self doubts and insecurities. If I am love able and attractive to people who I have that type of attraction to or not, if they get to know me. Is it possible for someone to be romantically interested in me who I feel the same and for them to also stay interested in me. I can only be me and follow my heart and my tendencies for self expression and communication. I know I over analyze everything and some would think I am TOO open and up front about myself. But this is how it makes sense to me and feels most comfortable. I don’t like playing social games and by nature I’m a verbal person. I have a lot of contradictions in me, always trying to find balance, integration, embracing wholeness. I can be too assertive and direct, or too shy, unsure, and withdrawn. I can be too vulnerable but to some I may not seem vulnerable enough. Always, in Betweens.

Thoughts On Abandonment Fears…How Can I Keep From Being Broken By Them

I realize how broken I can become by my insecurities and fears and vulnerability in the face of loss of a relationship. There’s no way really to have the kind of absolute security I crave even though there are relationships with a significant amount of security involved. So what can I do about these fears of mine and this pain that comes with it…and then in tow the relationship sabotaging if I put too much pressure on someone? I have to learn and internalize that I can’t control the person, if the connection is real and meant to last and i am important to them and they to me, it will, if not, it won’t, and if not, I don’t need it. If it is, it is great. If it is not, that’s not the relationship I need, I need to be valued and cared for. I can’t have absolute security, and if I really like someone and care about them I can be accommodating to their difficulty, and not pressure them into a place they are not comfortable with, And not be demanding. But if someone turns out to just not really want me in their life, I have to have faith that love is still available to me with or without that person. Because it hurts so much to fear them rejecting me. I have abandonment issues. Emotions are intense and they hurt. But this life is not a cakewalk, and I have to get through best I can.

love is real…despite whether a specific person chooses to love me or care for me, or if they change their mind about me.

And of course I do the black and white thinking and catastrophizing, thinking that just because someone may have times they have difficulty remembering their ability to connect with me, that it is all hopeless. Those ups and downs are part of things.

i have value. So do you.

Borderline

Video

A poem I wrote in 2005… Video done about a half year or so ago…repost, it’s been awhile.

Deep Desires Romantically and Sensually, With The Right Person

I just posted this today on a website, am reposting it here: Musings on my deep desires romantically and sensually speaking with the right person: I think a relationship which is about trust and intimacy and consensual ly breaking each other’s walls down…and opening up to vulnerability…i want to be touched in a very deep and “sensually violating” way at times. Be taken, taken over, broken down and held